on quote-worthy 'friendships'
earlier this year, in a prior post, i tactfully refer to fake friendships as being quote-worthy. and not quote-worthy in the sense that it's so great that i want to tell the world about it. but quote-worthy as in if we were face-to-face, i'd have to awkwardly lift my arms until my hands were level with my ears and then bend my fingers, dr. evil style to refer to a particular person as a 'friend'. and ya know... i'm done with that bullshit. if i have to do extra exercise to define a person's role in my life, umm... we can't be friends.
to give you a few examples of what my latest rant is about, i'm talking about the 'friend' on a mission to change everything about me. the 'friend' who appears only in need. and let's not forget the one who wears the mask of the good 'friend' in my face, but out of earshot stirs up all kinds of madness... yes. each of these behaviors most assuredly have earned quote-worthy status in my book. a book that shall be burned.
it's funny. a few years back, i surrounded myself with folks such as this. when i think about my former 'friend' circle, i cringe with memories of cringeful memories. superficial ass conversations about nothing. awkward and unpleasant dining experiences. vacations from that very hot place - and i'm not talking the tropics here... no. i garnered fake friends because i was a fake friend. even to myself. but these days... i happen to have fallen in love with myself. and with self-love comes a bit of self-preservation. meaning: i'm not putting up with this bad behavior any longer.
so. if you're coming at me with shit about me that you don't like or require that i change in order to be your friend. uhh... we can't be friends. if your behavior shows that i am only around for your freaking service. nope. we can't be friends. and if i have to be up under your ass twenty-four seven to make sure that you won't talk shit about me or my life when i'm gone... you've got it boo-boo. we cannot be friends. and i couldn't give two shits about how long we've known one another. or how long we haven't.
don't get it twisted. it's not that i see my friends as disposable commodities, ready to kick to the curb when confronted by offending behavior. i don't. i happen to treasure the folks whom i call real friends. but to have a friend, you've got to be a friend. one without arm lifts... i have actually discussed healthy friendship boundaries with folks who required such chats. and in some cases, we've worked through our issues. and then there are the others...
what i've learned through this process is what it takes to be a real friend. and if you don't know, i'ma tell ya... the folks i call friend accept me as i am. they don't see me as a project in need of constant fixing with life advice that they don't even take themselves. my friends feel no need to talk about me or the goings on in the wonderful world of rachel when i'm not around. my friends love, honor, and support the fuck out of me. they call me on my shit when needed. but never in a condescending 'i know what's best for you better than you do' kinda way. my friends are fucking awesome. and if you're not... well. you know.
at this point in my life, i understand what it means to be a friend. we don't have to talk every day or even every year. we just need a connection and a strong bond. let me tell you, i have the utmost respect for those who've shown up and earned the title. which means that i am unwilling to just throw friend around loosely at just anyone - like we live in facebook or some shit. but that don't mean that i won't be quick to throw some quotes around it when forced to present a deserving soul with the gift of goodbye. because i am my friend. first.