ten things real people do

                                            the author, a real person, hugging a not real person.

                                           the author, a real person, hugging a not real person.

before i get into this list. i must say that i hate these lists. yes. the very thing that i'm writing about, i hate.  and i can't seem to get away from them. a daily scroll down my facebook newsfeed, is a constant barrage of list after list declaring the things that real people do. or real women. or emotionally stable people. or wild women. as if they aren't already stereotyped too much? like there's just one mold for each and every 'type' of person. and that the author of said list knows every experience of the named group. yeah. i hate these lists. which prompted me to write my own... so, how real are you?

ten. breathe. real people breathe. they inhale, then exhale. sometimes mindfully. other times without thought. their breath may quicken after a run or with excitement. or it might deepen, slow and steady, during yoga or meditation. and some real people even hold theirs. during a swim. in shock. for fun... regardless. real people don't bullshit when it comes to breathing. they do it all the time! in the morning. during their commutes. even when they're sleeping. i. know!

nine. eat. whaat... you didn't know? for reals. real people eat. some eat three standard meals every day. some are natural grazers, consuming little bites here and there and everywhere. others take five to six small meals. some real people stop eating for a few days... and they always come back to the good stuff. whatever their diet. be it omnivorous. carnivorous. herbivorous... real people get their eat on.

eight. feel. real people feel all sorts of shit. jealousy. love. anger. elation. insecurity. joy. fear. bravery. disappointment... all sorts of shit. and some real people wallow in those emotions. some just stay in the flow, letting them come, letting them go. all depending on where they are in their lives... some can even float between wallowing and flowing - again. it all depends. because that's just what real people do.

seven. sleep. we do. at least once in every twenty-four hour period. okay. most of us. some of us lucky bastards get in a nap or two in that same period. we sleep in beds. in cars. on friend's couches... pretty much anywhere we feel comfortable enough to shut our eyes and drift into dreamland... some of us snore. slobber (fuck yeah, we do - that's that good sleep!). and some of us have trouble doing it. but we do it anyway. why? because we're real  people. that's why.

six. grow. be it spiritually. emotionally. or simply physically, all real people grow at some point, in some way in their lives. let's face it. not one of us remains that under ten pound (okay, most of us) baby that we entered this world as. we get bigger. we learn things. about ourselves. about each other. about the world. no matter what or how we learn. we do. we gain weight. we gain knowledge. we gain. we grow. every real person on this planet.

five. eliminate. boys do it. girls do it. (yes. we do. you know who i'm talking to!) we poop. we pee. we fart. we belch. end of story. stuff goes in. stuff comes out. hopefully not all at the same time. and hopefully when we happen to be in the proper facility for elimination of said stuff. but it happens. to real people. every day. multiple times each day. anyone who doesn't is no longer with us. and even they let loose one more time...

four. cry. for those who don't do it now... you're not excluded. all real people have done the deed. hell. it was your first language. some of us do it when we're happy. when we're sad. when we're angry. frustrated. you know, feeling shit (as in number 8). some folks, like myself, actually enjoy getting into a  good ugly cry every now and again. i call it a shower for the eyeballs. and everyone has done or does it. because real people have tear ducts. and emotions.

 and even still, they could have developed differing perceptions... thus blowing my hypothesis | chang and eng bunker. photo credit: wikicommons

and even still, they could have developed differing perceptions... thus blowing my hypothesis | chang and eng bunker. photo credit: wikicommons

three. believe. something. whether it's the belief in a higher power or that the sky is blue, all real people believe in something. even the nihilist who proclaims 'i believe in nothing' believes that they believe in nothing, which is in essence, a belief. and not all real people believe the same thing. as i always say, 'there are over seven billion versions of the same truth'. because there are. no one has lived the exact same life as another soul - save the rare conjoined twin.

different experiences = different perceptions = different truths.  

all real people have their own. and guess what? your truth ain't like mine. real people believe different shit about different things. believe that.

two. they do things that some people don't agree with. why? because not every person likes every thing in every moment. so. some people won't like how real humans breathe (see number 10). and you know what? real people keep breathing. and yes, it has a lot to do with the whole staying alive thing. but it's also because we all will do something that pisses somebody off at some point in our lives. it doesn't mean that everyone must stop whatever it is that bothers another soul. or can, for that matter. like with breathing...

one. they don't need lists to tell them how fucking real they are. if you've made it this far, you understand that any list that attempts to define realness and people are bullshit. you know that there's no one-size-fits-all manner of being. you're sick of reading those lists only to discover somewhere between numbers five and seven that (oh, shit), you're not a real woman/man. this information coming from a writer somewhere who knows nothing about who you are, what you've experienced, and/or how real you are. i'm even willing to go out on a limb and say that those "real" writers aren't even the real women and/or men proclaimed in those articles. so keep being you. the best you that you can possibly be... 'cause that's real.