the sincerest form of insincerity

                                                             and/or plain ol' crazy. image: single white female | columbia pictures

                                                            and/or plain ol' crazy. image: single white female | columbia pictures

someone once said (or wrote) that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."  i call bullshit. i'm also calling this person 'someone' because whomever uttered such nonsense isn't worth the few seconds necessary to google the source of said bullshit. and i mean bullshit in the lowest possible sense. because it is. so i'm gonna help out this misinformed narcissist and rewrite some truth into the statement: "imitation is the creepiest form of creepiness."

ain't nothing sincere about copying off of someone else. be it their style. their paper. what have you. it's not cool. to do. or have it done to you. i am, presently, speaking from the latter place of this particular uncoolness. a place where another soul on their journey has decided to imitate who and what they think i am. beyond being weird... it's downright deceptive. and creepy. and weird. oh, i already said that... because it is!

    it's pretty clear where i got this from. and why...

   it's pretty clear where i got this from. and why...

while i cannot be absolutely sure of this person's motives, i believe that the sole purpose behind this madness is a desperate attempt to have things in common with me. a forced friendship of sorts. a no-no where i come from. a big no-no. and i'm speaking (okay, typing) from experience because i've been in that other place. a place where i wanted to belong. to be liked. to fit in. and be included so bad that i often mimicked the fuck out of behaviors of others to the point that i couldn't even tell you something about myself without referring to somebody else! and. what i came to realize after years of desperate deception, followed by constant rejection is that the key to belonging and being liked is actually quite simple: be yourself. yeah. that's all folks.

and so i see all of this happening before my eyes and i am reminded of the person i once was. and i have a touch of compassion for this soul. which is immediately replaced by annoyance and repulsion. i get it. i see what i used to do to others. (are you listening (and/or reading) karma?) seriously though. i get it. and it sucks when you're just getting to know someone. and you'd like to be able to have an easy conversation with them. maybe learn more about who they really are. until the inauthenticity pours from their very essence. and it becomes quite clear that they don't even know who they really are... which forces you to shut that shit down.

yes. there's some inner work here for me to do. maybe a little more forgiveness and a lot more love for that insecure girl i used to be. maybe a bit more compassion for this poor misguided soul. but nothing more. i do recognize that beyond looking within, it's not my place to fix this person. trust. i don't even want to! i once was angry with the people around the old me who never said anything about how annoying i was. today, i find myself thankful that they didn't. i probably would have reacted defensively and denied this as my truth. and so. this is a lesson that i needed to discover for myself. as it is for everyone else trying to be someone that they're not.