drawing lines in the sand

                                                                                        boundaries. for the love of myself.

                                                                                       boundaries. for the love of myself.

and you bet' not cross 'em. what is it exactly that has me talking like somebody's grandma? boundaries. that's what. and why you ask? because they are necessary. and i've not been very good at creating them. or enforcing them. or even knowing when they were necessary. that is. until now.

i feel like i've been on some sort of weird free-fall throughout my entire life. as if anything goes when it comes to the people around me. i've allowed countless others to treat me poorly, even going so far as to ask for more hurt and disrespect after the initial bad deeds were done. i've done things that i didn't want to do, so that i wouldn't disappoint other souls. i've even gone so far as to create a completely different persona, in a pathetic attempt to fit in with the crowd. and you know what? all of that shit sucked.

why, you ask? do you really need to? i mean seriously, all of my actions represent a total lack of boundaries. with a side of not really knowing or trusting myself. and maybe a little bit of insincerity. evidenced by my desire to make everyone else happy - often to my detriment. shoo, if people pleasing were an actual profession, i'd be sitting from the illustrious one percent right about now. except that it's not. which is probably why it sucks so bad. apart from the whole not ever getting or doing what you want to do...

 mmm. hmm. you goin' learn today.  | photo credit: growingbolder.com

mmm. hmm. you goin' learn today.  | photo credit: growingbolder.com

and so recently, i've begun developing healthy boundaries. stop signs. pause buttons for the folks around me. saying no when my spirit would be better off not doing whatever is asked of me. calling a spade a spade when faced with utter bullshit. choosing my perfectly imperfect authentic self time and time again. and it feels damned good. to me, at least.

other folks aren't feeling it. there are dates i've turned down because 'something' about them just isn't right for me, which i'm actually willing to admit to myself (a difficult thing in the past). the people who are used to being able to rely on me for a kind, uplifting word in exchange for round after round of drama. the fake spiritual culture vultures who use guilt and condescension to try to control the actions of others. yeah. a whole lotta folks i'm sorry not sorry for disappointing. (i have a love/hate thing with the sorry not sorry thing. i dislike saying sorry. but i love saying that i'm not. so. thank you to the person who came up with the perfect saying that allows me to manage the use of both sentiments. but i hate using trendy terms. so. there's that.)

and you know what? i don't give a fuck what they're feeling. why, you ask? okay, maybe you aren't asking it. but this is my article, so i will tell you anyway... because i've spent too much of my life time worrying about what they feel... leaving myself and my feelings completely out of the process. i've allowed others to let me be the source of their happiness, while completely decimating any hope of my own. and i've given too much of myself without receiving or even expecting to receive anything in return.

wanna know how i'm doing this? well. you've come to the right part of this article...

first. i'm being completely honest with myself. anything that doesn't feel good or right to me, i'm acknowledging the fuck out of that feeling. 

second. i am communicating that truth to others. so when someone asks for my shoulder to cry on and i'd rather not hear them wail and whine for the fifteenth time about what another person did to them, they can expect a big fat no. because listening to someone who doesn't wish to help their self does not feel good to me. 

third. i am standing in my light and enforcing my truth. because when said person chooses to force their drama on me after i say no, it is all about self-preservation when i hang up the phone, get up and walk away, or whatever i gotta do to get the point across that i am no longer playing the role of the sacrificial lamb.

nah, son. those days are done. and today, i love myself. i respect myself. i honor myself. which is why i am creating boundaries that do the same. have you struggled with boundaries? creating them? crossing those of others? share your experiences in the comments. i know that i'm not alone, and would love tips/encouragement from others for this new path i'm walking...