2014. the berst* year of my life.
twenty fourteen. two thousand fourteen. i guess there's no other way to say it. except maybe, wow. i don't even know exactly how to put into words what i am about to put into words. i've thought about this, my last wrap-up post for and of the year, over the past few weeks with feelings of pride mixed with a touch of shiii-it, i don't even know how i made it. yeah. 2014 has been that year for me. the best and the worst year of my life. seriously.
i guess i'll just start somewhere around the beginning... on an island. in the middle of an ocean. alone with 'friends.' because folks who smile in one's face while working all kinds of madness behind the scenes deserve quotes. and because i wasn't ready to not only face, but honor my truth, i found myself in a pretty shitty place - replaying remnants of a time gone by. i guess you might say that i smiled in my own damned face and stabbed myself in the back. yeah. i did that.
but as luck, or what could best be described as being shaken awake by an earthquake in the middle of a hurricane, would have it, i found myself violently ejected from the hell in paradise i'd created for my life. broke. unemployed. and pretty much homeless, with an unrelenting determination of returning to said hell as quickly as possible.
first stop: cali-for-ni-a. where i had a front row seat to the movie of my past. stuck on a loop of repeats and pauses of addiction, superficiality, and fear. and as crazy as it sounds, an incredible voyage into my depths via psychedelic mushrooms are what released me. staring into the mirror of my true self, i saw what and who i am. and more importantly, who i am not. fuck yeah!
next, my gypsy ways, along with the $2.56 in my pocket, sent me to the home of family in the dirrty dirrty, y'all. oof! if i thought i'd seen myself before, it's like i'd gone from pocket to full-size in just two short flights. so much stuff came up. so. much. stuff.
and ya know. i stayed with it. i started to realize that my limited funds (can you really call $2.56 funds??? js!) were incredibly valuable - as they forced me to stay and stick with all of that stuff coming up. stuff i wanted to run from. all the past hurts. pain patterns. unforgivable injuries. but i sat with them.
for along my journey, i was blessed with several angels who came along to remind me that in order to truly heal my wounds, i needed to sit with them. to get to the bottom of them. to feel them. so that i did. and it worked. as i began to heal, the universe whispered a new home for me. a new destination. far far away from the place i so desperately wanted to return. despite knowing that it wasn't good for me. or exactly what i wanted.
initially wary of this new path, i threw my hands up and began to move towards the new place. and as i got closer, i found myself blessed more and more - not just financially - but spiritually, more than anything. (b)lesson after (b)lesson came my way, more and more opportunities to heal poured in along with gifted plane and train tickets, weekend vacations, places to stay, food to eat, paid phone bills - still trudging along with that $2.56 in my pocket. through it all, i became less afraid. i learned to trust myself. to trust spirit. to trust other humans again. i found humility. true friendship. gratitude. joy. peace. love. home.
yes. through it all, i was led home. reunited with my tribe. on another island. in the middle of another ocean. where madness is worked out in your face and smiles are shined behind your back. where i have the freedom to live authentically. in love. in light. where i make choices that suit my soul, instead of the images i'd created of a lesser existence.
so even though to many, this year appeared to be one filled with so much hardship, so much misery, so much change and upheaval, i say it again. 2014 is the best year of my life, thus far. and the worst.
and i thank each angel that appeared along this journey to support me in getting that much closer to my highest self. even those who proved our 'friendships' to be quote-worthy. i wish i could name each and every one of you. but you know who you are. and i look forward to what we build in twenty fifteen. two thousand fifteen...
*best/worst all in one